Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My first love

I remember when I met Michael. The first thing I did was find out all I could about him - what music does he like? What about his family, favorite color, favorite movies, etc. Then I worked REALLY hard to start liking Country music! (It was a sacrifice for love) and I even watched a few episodes of Star Trek! We called each other every day and saw each other every weekend. If I knew he was going to call at a specific time I was by the phone, or if I was going to see him I made sure I looked good. I also made sure that I didn't bring up past relationships or compare him to other people. After awhile, it wasnt work anymore. The desire to know him and be with him was still there, but there was a level of comfort and safety in knowing he loved me for who I was. After 15 years of being together I still at times find myself smiling for no apparent reason and excited for him to get home so we can talk and share our days.

**** awwww......Love :) **** But, wait! I wasn't truly happy! - not like I am today!

I had a restless night and figured that maybe God was wanting to talk to me. I got up and began to pray and really searching for what I believe. Not what others have told me - the ministers and my "elders", but what I truly believed. Its something that I had struggled with for a year and I was tired of it!

In the early hours of the morning this is the main thing I got out of my prayer and Bible searching:

Hebrews 11:6 "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him."

I had been struggling with "faith" in my heart though I knew all the verses and believed every passage I read or heard. What was I doing wrong? I wasnt "diligently seeking" Him. I thought I was. I tried to get up early or would get a few verses in before bed. I studied, but I was only studying doctrine. I had lost my first love! I was seeking, but not with true diligence!

Websters describes diligent as: to esteem, love,
: characterized by steady, earnest, and energetic effort : painstaking
synonyms: busy

I decided to treat Jesus as I did Michael.
What kind of music does Jesus like? Music that worships and glorifies Him. Done!

His family? Those He loves? Treat everyone with love. I remind myself daily (sometimes by the minute) that I need to "put on love"

Colossians 3:14 and "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

--I Corinthians 13:4-7
What is His favorite Movie? Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things areof good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." - So probably nothing rated "R" - or even "PG" anymore!
I am so not perfect and I find myself wanting to "veg" in front of the TV, but I am doing it less and being pickier about what I watch. Not watching Tv is probably just as hard for me now as listening to Country music was for me 15 years ago! I am still working on it, but I am finding great rewards in making Jesus my First Love again! I am striving for the day where I dont have to try so much and I will feel comfortable in my relationship with Jesus that every action and thought brings a smile to His face. When I do mess up, I want to feel secure that He loves me anyway and will accept me for who I am!
Rewards I have received so far -
  • More Patience and love for my kids - and other peoples kids :)
  • More understanding of people in general
  • Love for those who are different than myself
  • I allow myself to make mistakes
  • I allow others to make mistakes
  • I am not as controlling of the house
I am generally just a happier person! Its baby steps! But I had to start somewhere to start feeling again. I am just glad that my First Love never gave up on me :)

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2 comments:

Heather, saw your blog when facebooking..Loved it...its great to seee someone with the right perspective...Gods been showing me that his love for us is limitless. Its so easy to limit the possiblities of blessing's he can shower on us, the things we can do with Gods love is indeed without a limit...I admit one of my favourite parts of the day is when Chris walks in the door..How much more does God light up when we "visit" with Him.
Thanks for the encouragement, Bethany

I love this post. Everything you said is so true. It is so easy to focus on pleasing my husband and so easy to forget that the Lord was my "first love". And the crazy thing is, the more I focus on God, the more pleasing I am to my husband! Thank you for this awesome reminder!

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